Recently I became an assistant coach for my soon-to-be stepson's little league baseball team. Yes, I'm 28 years old with a 12 year old stepson. The age proximity puts an awkward strain on the coach-player relationship as the boys can smell my vulnerability and lack of child-management skills.
At a recent indoor practice, I was throwing fly balls to the kids and repeatedly kept hitting the gymnasium ceiling. I was silently muttering expletives but maintained composure. Finally, I called the boys over to provide some sage advice on playing the outfield. As they made their way over, my stepson says “you suck at throwing fly balls.” Before I had the chance to respond, another kid says “You look like Ichiro’s cousin.” Rather than address either comment I decided to launch into my "coach" speech; “You guys all watch the Pirates, right?” I asked. Somebody from the back shouted “the Pirates suck.” “Okay” I said. There was a brief pause. As I struggled to find a better segue another kid calls out “But the pierogies are cool.” There was broad consensus. For a fleeting moment I considered an example using one of the pierogies but defaulted to the New York Yankees instead. After concluding my words of wisdom, I heard the beginnings of an argument over Pirate Parrot's continual interference.
I felt so defeated.
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